Dr. Hinge:  Anything interesting in the newspaper, dear?

Dame Hilda: Well, it depends what you think is interesting, Evadne. Are you interested in the Boy Scouts buying a new flagpole?

Dr. Hinge:  Not particularly, no.

Dame Hilda: Well, that's made the front page.

Dr. Hinge: Oh.

Dame Hilda: Trust the Stackton Bugle to scoop the rest of the country. I say, look at this, Evadne, a wedding photograph of Melanie Marchbanks.

Dr. Hinge: Oh, she's finally made it, has she? She's been engaged to that chap in the post office for 15 years.

Dame Hilda:  Yes, well, she's finally got to the head of the queue, dear. Oh, I say, look what it says underneath. The hippie couple are sending their honeymoons in the district lake, I hope they take their life belts, dear.

Dr. Hinge: Typical of the bugle, isn't it, dear?

Dame Hilda:  Ah, now this is interesting.

Dr. Hinge:  What's that, Hilda?

Dame Hilda:  Premium bonds.

Dr. Hinge:  Oh, I can't be bothered to check it.

Dame Hilda:  Yes, but this is a list of the unclaimed winners. And this number here seems familiar.

Dr. Hinge: Well, I can never remember our premium bond numbers.

Dame Hilda:  Oh, it's not difficult, dear, I mean, we only have one between us.

Dr. Hinge:  And I suppose you can remember it.

Dame Hilda:  Of course I can.

Dr. Hinge: Well, what is it then?

Dame Hilda:  I don't know.

Dr. Hinge: Sometimes you exasperate me, Hilda.

Dame Hilda:  Well, I don't know offhand. But I have a memory system that enables me to work it out, you see. First of all, the letters are the same as the initials of the prime minister.

Dr. Hinge: Ah, J.C. James Callaghan.

Dame Hilda:  No, L.G. Lloyd George, now, I know what you're thinking, Lloyd George isn't the prime minister, and I am aware of that. But he's the only prime minister who ever waved to my mother.

Dr. Hinge: Fascinating.

Dame Hilda:  Which brings me to the numbers.

Dr. Hinge:  Must you?

Dame Hilda:  Now, all I have to do is remember the first number, which is Aunt Beatrice's birth date, you see, now, the second number is double the first one, and the third number is half Aunt Beatrice's birth date, and the fourth and fifth numbers added together equal her birth date, and the last two numbers represent the sum of the first five, yes.

Dr. Hinge: Hilda, I'm very impressed.

Dame Hilda:  So you should be. The only trouble is I've forgotten Aunt Beatrice's birth date,

yes, but the system is impeccable.

Dr. Hinge:  But you aren't, Hilda.

Dame Hilda: Yes, you've made your point, dear.

Dr. Hinge:  Look, dear, the premium bond is in that biscuit tin where we keep all the old documents, you know, the receipts and things.

Dame Hilda:  Well, where's the biscuit tin?

Dr. Hinge:  I don't know.

Dame Hilda:  There you are, you see, you haven't got a system. Well, I know where it is, so we're all right, it's in the sideboard cupboard, I'll go and fetch it. Hey Presto! the biscuit tin.

Dr. Hinge:  Oh, go on, open it then.

Dame Hilda:  Oh, it's full of biscuits.

Dr. Hinge: I don't believe it.

Dame Hilda:  No, you're quite right not to believe it, it's just my little whimsy, having you on, you see.

Dr. Hinge:  Very funny, yes.

Dame Hilda:  Well, as the Irish gentleman says, it's the way I tell ‘em! and I just thought of something else, biscuit tin, it's a cracker!

Dr. Hinge: Just find the premium bond, dear.

Dame Hilda:  Very well, dear. Oh, look at that, Evadne, your birth certificate, see, hasn't the writing faded? Well, of course, it's a long time...

Dr. Hinge: Hilda, we're not looking for my birth certificate.

Dame Hilda: No, that's true, Evadne. Ooh, now let me see.

Dr. Hinge: What is it, Hilda?

Dame Hilda:  An old diary. Oh, aren't they fascinating? Oh, I say, listen to this, Evadne.

Dr. Hinge: Yes?

Dame Hilda:  June the 2^nd saw him today, he smiled at me.

Dr. Hinge: Oh, Hilda, really?

Dame Hilda:  Hmm, June the 11th, dreamt about him last night. June the 13th, spoke to him on the phone.

Dr. Hinge: Well, I say, you're a dark horse, Hilda Bracket, come on, who's him?

Dame Hilda:  How do I know, dear? It's your diary.

Dr. Hinge: What? Give it to me.

Dame Hilda:  You never mentioned him to me, did you, dear?

Dr. Hinge: It's unimportant, Hilda.

Dame Hilda:  Not to me, it isn't, I'd like to know who him was?

Dr. Hinge: Oh, look, August the 4th, coach departed from Church Hall.

Dame Hilda:  You're changing the subject, aren't you, Evadne?

Dr. Hinge:  For the church annual outing to Cambridge.

Dame Hilda:  Was it the driver, dear?

Dr. Hinge: It wasn't, and I don't wish to talk about it.

Dame Hilda:  Very well, dear. I won't mention it again.

Dr. Hinge: Good. Weather was excellent, stopped for morning coffee at the Royal Dragon Hotel.

Dame Hilda:  Was it the landlord?

Dr. Hinge: Hilda!

Dame Hilda:  You know, the gentleman with the military moustache.

Dr. Hinge: I don't remember him.

Dame Hilda:  Oh, I do, yes, oh, I do, ex-brigadier, he was.

Dr. Hinge:  How do you know?

Dame Hilda:  He told me, Hubert, Hubert Pennington-Smythe.

Dr. Hinge: How do you know?

Dame Hilda:  He told me. He was a bit of a rascal at the latest.

Dr. Hinge: Did he tell you that, too?

Dame Hilda:  No. His wife told me that. You know, that was one of the most memorable church outings we ever organised.

Dr. Hinge: All I can remember is that dreadful journey on that dilapidated coach.

 It wasn't a dreadful journey at all, Evadne, I enjoyed it immensely.

Dr. Hinge: It was a horrid journey, Hilda, I was wanting to do my crossword and you wanted to talk, you drove me to despair you really did…

{Coach to Cambridge.}

Dame Hilda:  Are you sure you don't mind me sitting next to the window, Evadne?

Dr. Hinge:  Quite sure, Hilda. I've got my crossword and I'm quite happy.

Dame Hilda:  Because we can change over if you want to.

Dr. Hinge:  No, no, I'm fine, honestly.

Dame Hilda:  I mean, I don't really know why you want to do a crossword when there's so much beautiful scenery to see.

Dr. Hinge: I like crosswords, Hilda, I like them very much when I can get a chance to do them.

Dame Hilda:  They don't use that word now, you know.

Dr. Hinge: What word?

Dame Hilda: Like, you don't like things any more, you're into things. Yes, you see, people don't like Gilbert and Sullivan any more, they're into Gilbert and Sullivan.

Dr. Hinge: Good, well, I'm into crosswords.

Dame Hilda:  So long as you're not bothered about looking out of the window.

Dr. Hinge:  No, dear. I'm fine, honestly. fine.

Dame Hilda:  Good, Ooh, look at that beautiful church, Evadne.

Dr. Hinge: Where Hilda?

Dame Hilda: There! Oh, you've missed it, no, no, it was a beautiful church and it had a lovely spire.

Dr. Hinge:  I am trying to do my crossword, dear.

Dame Hilda:  Yes, I know, I'm sorry, dear. Oh, look at that, Evadne, look at that beautiful cottage.

Dr. Hinge:  Where?

Dame Hilda:  There, look, oh, no, you've missed it now, beautiful thatched roof it had and Ivy climbing all over the walls.

Dr. Hinge:  Good for her.

Dame Hilda:  Just like a picture postcard.

Dr. Hinge: Good. Well, I'll tell you what we'll do, dear, we shall stop at the next village and buy a picture postcard and you can look at that all the way to Cambridge.

Dame Hilda: Oh, I'm sorry, dear. Oh, Evadne look!

Dr. Hinge:  What is it now?

Dame Hilda: Oh, nothing, dear, you've missed it now, but it was quite beautiful.

Dr. Hinge:  One across, a town way out in front.

Dame Hilda: Box.

Dr. Hinge:  Don't be silly, Hilda, that's not a town.

Dame Hilda: No, box, that car that just passed us down there, the number plate was B-O-X, box.

Dr. Hinge: Hilda, honestly.

Dame Hilda: Well, I just thought you'd be interested, dear, it's fascinating watching car number plates, because some of them spell words, you see.

Dr. Hinge: Well, I am not interested in churches with beautiful spires, cottages with thatched roofs, or car number plates that spell box.

Dame Hilda:  All right, dear, all right. Bag!

Dr. Hinge: Hilda, how dare you?

Dame Hilda: No, no, not you, dear, that one that’s just gone past. B-A-G. Bag. Isn't it funny, you see? bag following box, I thought it would interest you, but it doesn't.

Dr. Hinge: No, Hilda, it does not. One across, a town way out in front.

Dame Hilda: Evadne, look at... oh!

Dr. Hinge: What is it, dear?

Dame Hilda: No, it was a rude one.

Dr. Hinge: What do you mean it was a rude one?

Dame Hilda: The car that just passed us, it spelled a rude word.

Dr. Hinge:  What did it spell?

Dame Hilda:  Oh, I couldn't possibly tell you, dear.

Dr. Hinge: Oh, Hilda, you are so infuriating.

Dame Hilda:  No, it was very rude, very rude indeed, in fact, I didn't think they'd be allowed to put that on a number plate.

Dr. Hinge:  One across, a town way out in front.

Dame Hilda: Evadne! I've got it.

Dr. Hinge:  It isn't box, is it, or bag, or anything rude?

Dame Hilda: No, no, your crossword, Leeds, L-E-E-D-S, a town, Leeds, way out in front, it leads, you know. L-E-A-D-S, Leads, do you get it?

Dr. Hinge: Of course I get it, Hilda.

Dame Hilda: Well, put it in then, dear.

Dr. Hinge: Well, I can't, it's only got five letters.

Dame Hilda: I know it has.

Dr. Hinge: Well, it's got to have six.

Dame Hilda:  Oh, well, put another E in, and then you'll have Leeeds!  I wonder how Mauds's getting on with Constable Bolsover on the backseat.

Dr. Hinge: Why don't you go and ask her?

Dame Hilda: I don't have to bother, dear, she's coming down the aisle.

Dr. Hinge: Oh, no.

Dame Hilda: Hello, dear.

Maud: Oh, Dame ‘ilda, I've bin terrified on that backseat.

Dame Hilda: Why, dear?

Maud: ‘im.

Dame Hilda: Oh, not another him.

Maud:  George Bolsover, disgustin’ ‘e is, and ‘im a policeman.

Dr. Hinge: What's he done, Maud?

Maud:  I've never bin so disgusted in all me life, if I ‘ad my ‘at pin with me, I'd ‘ave given ‘im what for.

Dr. Hinge: Maud, what on earth has he done?

Maud:  ‘e went to sleep with ‘is head on me shoulder.

Dame Hilda: Well, that's all right, dear.

Maud: It's not all right, I could feel ‘is ‘ot breath on me neck, panting ‘e was, panting with passion.

Dame Hilda: I think it's more likely to be heartburn, dear.

Maud: Then ‘e started moanin’ and talkin’ in ‘is sleep.

Dr. Hinge:  Oh, how interesting, what did he say?

Maud: Somethin’ about some coconuts and a tin o’ brown paint.

Dr. Hinge: Fascinating.

Maud: Then ‘e opened ‘is eyes, looked at me full in the face and said, Jasmine, ‘elp me on to me donkey. I think ’he were dreamin’.

Dame Hilda: Well, I hope so, because I haven't seen a donkey on the coach.

Maud: Then ‘e starts gigglin’, and ‘is moustache is ticklin’ me ear, so I digs ‘im in the ribs,

Dame Hilda: And he woke up?

Maud: No, ‘e digs me back, digs me back, ‘e did, and sez, gee up.

Dame Hilda:  So, what did you do then, Maud?

Maud: Well, I slid down on to the floor, crawled under ‘is legs and come down ‘ere.

Dame Hilda: Well, he's still asleep by the look of things.

Maud: And ‘e can stay asleep.

Dr. Hinge:  I say, Hilda, the vicar and Mrs. Flathers seem to be deep in conversation?

Dame Hilda: Where, dear.

Dr. Hinge: Three seats from the back.

Dame Hilda:  Oh, yes, yes, hello, Mrs. Flathers, your hat's lovely, dear, yes, beautiful, if you like plastic fruit.

Dr. Hinge: And she certainly likes plastic fruit.

Dame Hilda: No, dear, she's into plastic fruit, she's into about a pound and a half of cherries on that hat.

Dame ‘ilda, what are we doin’ when we get t’ Cambridge?

Dame Hilda: Well, Maud, I don't mind at all, I'll do anything.

Dr. Hinge:  Oh, in that case, let's look round King's College Chapel.

Dame Hilda: No, I don't want to do that.

Dr. Hinge: You said you'd do anything.

Dame Hilda: Yes, dear, but I meant anything I wanted to do. I wouldn't mind going on the river.

Dr. Hinge: Walking.

Dame Hilda: Evadne, don’t be naughty, do you fancy the river, Maud?

Maud: Oh, I can't swim, Dame ‘ilda, and if I could, Arthur wouldn't let anybody see me in one o’ them bathing costumes.

Dr. Hinge:  That's very considerate of him, Maud.

Dame Hilda: What I meant was, do you fancy going on a rowing boat or a punt?

Maud: What's one o’ them?

Dame Hilda:  Well, it's a flat wooden thing and you move it with a pole.

Dr. Hinge: I'm not goin’ anywhere with no foreigners.

Dame Hilda: No, Maud, no, It's a flat boat and a wooden pole and you glide along the water, you must have seen them on the television adverts.

Maud: Oh, all right, I'll come, on one condition, that George Bolsover doesn't come with us.

Dr. Hinge: There's no chance of that, Maud.

Dame Hilda: Of course there isn't. We shall keep ourselves to ourselves, take our flasks and sandwiches with us and have a wonderful time, just the three of us.

{River}

Dame Hilda: Are you holding it steady, Evadne?

Dr. Hinge: Of course I am, come on, Hilda, it's not going to sink.

Dame Hilda: It looks awfully flimsy.

Dr. Hinge: Oh, come on, Hilda, take my hand,

Dame Hilda:  Come on, Maud.

Maud: It won't turn turtle, will it?

Dame Hilda: No, it's quite safe dear, now, come along on board, come on board, Maud, ha, ha, ha! Did you hear that? come on board, Maud, it rhymes, ha, ha, ha! I'm into poetry.

Maud: ‘old my ‘and, Dame ‘ilda.

Dame Hilda: Oh, that's it, now, that's one foot on board, now, come on, dear, the other one.

Maud: Oh, Dame ‘ilda, the boat's movin’ I'm doin’ the splits!

Dame Hilda: Evadne, pull on the rope.

Maud: ‘elp!

Dame Hilda: Well done, Maud, an excellent impression of Tower Bridge, I thought for one dreadful moment we were going to have to make a wish.

Dr. Hinge: Now, who's going to work the pole thing?

Constable: Over here, ladies.

Maud:  Oh, it's ‘im, Dame ‘ilda. George Bolsover.

Dame Hilda: George, hello, dear.

Constable: Are we going for a trip on the river, then?

Dame Hilda: Well, we're not thinking of circumnavigating the globe, George.

Maud:  Don't let ‘im onto the boat, Dame ‘ilda.

Constable: You having trouble, Evadne?

Dr. Hinge: Oh, we don't know how to work the pole thing, George.

Constable: Oh, that's easy, here, let me come with you and show you how it's done.

Maud: Get ‘im off, Dame ‘ilda. ‘e's after me.

Dame Hilda: Oh, don't be silly, Maud.

Constable: There we are, hello, Maud.

Maud:  ‘ello.

Constable: Beautiful day, isn't it?

Dame Hilda: It is, George.

Constable: I wish Mrs. Bolsover could have come.

Maud:  So do I.

Constable: Never mind, Maud was excellent company on the journey here, we had a good old natter, didn't we, Maud?

Dr. Hinge: Yes, she was telling us about Jasmine.

Constable: Oh, who told her about Jasmine?

Dame Hilda: You did, dear, you were talking in your sleep.

Constable: Oh, Lor! Did I say anything about belly dancers and tassels?

Dame Hilda: No, but you can tell us now, if you like.

Constable: I'd better not, Mum's the word.

Dame Hilda: Oh, it was your mother, was it?

Constable: Of course not.

Dr. Hinge: Now, Hilda, don't probe.

Dame Hilda: But it's fascinating hearing about Jasmine, in the Middle East, was it, George?

Constable: No, a pub in Norwich, not a word to Mrs. Bolsover, mind.

Dr. Hinge: Look, are we going on the river or not?

Constable: Right, well, now, the first thing with these things is we need an even distribution of ballast.

Dame Hilda: Oh, well, I've never been referred to as ballast before.

Constable: Now, will you, Hilda and Evadne, will you sit up that end and Maud, you stay this end with me.

Maud: Can't I go up there with Dame ‘ilda and the Doctor?

Constable: No, no, no, it'd tip my end up, you wouldn't want me to fall in the river, would you?

Dame Hilda: Don’t answer that, Maud.

Constable: Right, then, here we go.

Dame Hilda: Oh, we're moving. Oh, I say, isn't it exciting, Evadne?

Dr. Hinge: Yes, I think I might even trail my fingers in the water.

Dame Hilda: Well, so long as you keep your socks and shoes on. This is wonderful, quite idyllic, dear.

Dr. Hinge: I can feel Beethoven's pastoral symphony creeping up on me.

Dame Hilda:  Actually, dear, it's rather a large spider.

Dr. Hinge: Get it off me.

Dame Hilda:  They say spiders are lucky, dear.

Dr. Hinge:  This one won't be if you don't remove it.

Dame Hilda: Oh, it's all right now, Evadne, it's gone.

Constable: Now, now, now, steady, Evadne, don't rock the boat.

Maud: Dame ‘ilda, when are we going to eat our picnic?

Dame Hilda: Any time you like, dear, but I think we'd better ask the captain.

Constable: Well, I'll head for the riverbank over there where there's some nice grass.

Dame Hilda: I think I'd rather eat sandwiches.

Constable: Hold tight now, it's a tricky manoeuvre.

Dame Hilda: I'll put my right hand out for you, shall I, dear?

Constable: Just hold still, everybody, we'll soon be there...

{Later}

Constable: Now, then, how about this?

Dr. Hinge: What a lovely spot for a picnic.

Dame Hilda:  Pass me that carrier bag, Maud, dear, you did pack the tablecloth for the food, didn't you?

Maud: Of course, I did.

Dame Hilda: Ah, yes, here's the tablecloth, no, it isn't, it's a shirt and a pyjama trousers.

Maud:  Oh, Lor!

Dr. Hinge:  I have a sneaking suspicion that Maud has done it again.

Dame Hilda: Whose are they, Maud?

Constable: Well, if nobody wants ‘em, they'll fit me.

Maud: They're my Arthur's.

Dame Hilda: And what's this, Maud?

Maud:  That’s ‘is working vest.

Dame Hilda: Well, I think it ought to be pensioned off, it's seen better days.

Dr. Hinge:  So has Arthur.

Dame Hilda: Look, Maud, what have you brought these for?

Maud: Well, I took ‘em round to your ‘ouse to put in your washin’ machine, we left in such a ‘urry, and I must ‘ave picked up the wrong bag.

Dr. Hinge: That means the sandwiches are still in the house.

Dame Hilda:  Yes and probably on their third cold rinse by now, at least the sardines will be in their element.

Constable: Well, uh... look now, I uh... I have a pork pie in me pocket.

Dame Hilda: Oh, well, at least we can feed the ducks.

Constable: Oh, here we are, if I can find me penknife.

Dr. Hinge: Oh, George, you didn't wrap the pie up.

Dame Hilda:  No, and with all that tobacco sticking to it, it should be carrying a government health warning.

Dr. Hinge: Yes. thank you for the offer, George, but I think not.

Constable: Hilda, do you want a bite?

Dame Hilda: No, thank you, George, I don't smoke.

Constable: Right then, well, uh... it’s just you and me, Maud, half each?

Maud: No, thank yo, it might be drugged.

Dame Hilda:  Look, we must eat, why don't we get back in the punt and go to that lovely hostelry near the coach park?

Dr. Hinge: A good idea, Hilda.

Dame Hilda:  Right, well, come on, Maud, pick up your pyjama trousers up.

Constable: Follow me, ladies.

Dame Hilda: Oh, George, erm... there's just one thing that's worrying me.

Constable: Oh, what's that, Hilda?

Dame Hilda: Where's the punt?

Constable: Oh, Lor!

Dr. Hinge: Oh, Hilda, look, it's in the middle of the river floating downstream.

Dame Hilda: Well, who tied it up?

Maud: You can't blame me for that.

Constable: I thought you'd done it, Evadne?

Dr. Hinge: Yes, I thought I had as well.

Maud: Now, you see, Doctor, you're not as perfect as yer thought you were.

Dame Hilda:  Now, don't let's fall out.

Dr. Hinge: Well, at least we've still got the pole.

Dame Hilda: Well, what do you suggest we do, then? Sit astride it and paddle? You know, straddle and paddle!

Maud: Well, I don't know about you lot, but I'm walkin’ back, I'm ‘ungry.

Dame Hilda: Yes, I didn't fancy those pyjama sandwiches either.

Constable: Right then, let's head for that pub place, shouldn't take us long. Oy, Maud, you take my arm.

Dame Hilda: You're leaving the rest of yourself here, George.

Maud: I can manage on me own, thank you very much, my name's not Jasmine!

Dr. Hinge: No, you're more of a Fatima.

Dame Hilda: Well, come on, we'll call in the boathouse and explain about the punt, then we can go to the pub, now, bring that pole with you, George, at least we'll have something to take with us.

{Pub.}

Dame Hilda: Oh, my word, it is busy in here.

Constable: Right, now, let me get you ladies a drink, now, what's it to be, Hilda?

Dame Hilda: Well, yes, I say, could I have a medium dry hock? I'm not bothered about the year, but chilled if possible.

Constable: Right, that's a plonk for Hilda, what about you, Evadne?

Dr. Hinge: I'd like a red wine, George, a Burgundy, I think, room temperature, of course, and I am rather particular about the year. 1954.

Constable: Right, then, two plonks, different colours, now, Maud, can I persuade you to have something stronger?

Maud: I'll ‘ave a bag o’ crisps.

Dame Hilda: Any particular year, Maud?

Maud: No, I'd like ‘em now.

Constable: I'll fight me way through to the bar, won't be long, excuse me, do. police, make way for the law, stand back, please.

Maud: You want to watch ‘im, Dame ‘ilda. ‘e might put somethin’ in yer drink, I've ‘eard o’ these knock out drops.

Maud, don't be so naive.

Dame Hilda: Oh, look, Evadne, over there in the corner, some of our party.

Dr. Hinge: Oh, so there is.

Dame Hilda: Goodness me, the vicar's drinking some of that green stuff. Hello, vicar! Enjoying yourself? Oh, Evadne he’s just put his tongue out at me.

Dr. Hinge: And it's green.

Dame Hilda: It's not like Donald to get tipsy.  Hello, Mrs. Flathers!

Dr. Hinge:  Hilda, the cherries have disappeared off her hat.

Dame Hilda: Well, one of them is in Donald's drink.

Dr. Hinge: He must be what they call stoned. Ha, ha, ha!

Dame Hilda: Oh, I like that one, dear, very good, very good, I wish I'd thought of that.

Maud:  Dame ‘ilda, that man behind the bar.

Dame Hilda: What about him, dear?

Maud: ‘e's looking’at me, ‘e's winkin’ I don't like it, Dame ‘ilda, I've ‘eard of these lounge lizards.

Dr. Hinge: It's that provocative look of yours, Maud.

Dame Hilda: Yes, and maybe you shouldn't have worn your bobble cap.

Maud: Why don't men leave me alone?

Constable: Ah, here we are, ladies, he's run out of crisps, Maud, so I bought you a port and brandy.

Dame Hilda: Is it ready salted, George?

Maud:  I'm not drinking that devil's brew.

Dr. Hinge: Hilda, the vicar's beckoning me, I'd better go and see what he wants.

Constable: Oh, come on, Maud, drink up.

Maud: I'm not letting this stuff pass my lips.

Dame Hilda:  It won't hurt you if you sip it, Maud.

Maud: No, it's evil.

Dame Hilda: Well, all right, dear, give it to George.

Maud: ‘ang on, then, I'll try a taste. {Slurp.}

Dame Hilda: Oh, quite a taste, Maud, what do you think?

Maud: Oh, I’ll ‘ave another.

Dr. Hinge: Hilda, Hilda, Hilda, bad news.

Dame Hilda: What, Donald’s swallowed a plastic cherry?

Dr. Hinge: Actually, he did, but it's not that, apparently, he had a word with the landlord and said that we would sing a song for his customers.

Dame Hilda: Oh, dear, it's always the same, isn't it? Everywhere you and I go, we're expected to entertain at the drop of a hat, you know, Evadne, we always allow people to impose on us.

Dr. Hinge: You don't want to sing, then?

Dame Hilda: Of course I do, Where's the piano? Excuse me, excuse me, everyone, yes, thank you, thank you so much, yes, thank you, thank you very much, indeed, well, ladies and gentlemen, it's quite sweet of you. I understand that my host has requested a song from my colleague and myself, well, we're not accustomed, as you probably know, to sing in places like this, but we'll do our best

for you, and we do happen to be at the moment rehearsing for The Sound of Music, you see, so perhaps we could give them something from that?

Dr. Hinge:  I don't see why not.

Dame Hilda: And maybe if they know any of the chorus, second time round and join in.

Dr. Hinge: I hope so.

Dame Hilda: All right, then, dear, well, let's try it.

Climb every Mountain

Search high and low

Follow every by way

Every path you know

Climb every mountain

On every tree